An offer you can't refuse

2 years ago when I was jobless, and wasting even more time on the internet than I already do. One day a friend of mine contacted me. He asked me to harass his former landlord via email. I thought that might be kind of immature and gutless. Faced with the prospect of actually looking for a job, I reconsidered and decided to give the landlord a shout. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. The premise: a sports agency is contacting the asshole landlord because he happens to have the same name as a high school phenom baller.


Good evening,

I'm writing on behalf of an up and coming company which represents
atheletes and college atheletic programs. We represent a University
that shall remain nameless for the time being. This University has
just signed a top atheletic recruit named David Crest. We anticipate
that once Daniel gets an opportunity to showcase his talents, there
will be a clamoring towards him similar to that of a young Kobe
Bryant. He will be wearing the number 28 next year. What we like to
do in these situations is obtain the rights to inboxes closely related
to the personal images of our more high profile clients. At this time
I would like to ask you for you to relinquish the rights to this inbox
to our company. Hotmail is willing to grant us use of the name on the
condition that you agree. In exchange, we can arrange for you to get
seats as close as the 10th row for David's summer all star exhibition
in July. We can also offer you a replacement address under Gmail.
Gmail actually offers the most expansive features of any email service
providers. With a gigabyte of space you would never have to delete
another email for the rest of your life. I've already checked and
apparently DavidCrest28881@gmail is available. Let us Know what you
think. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

-Wes.


"David" was nice enough to respond:


Wes,

At this time I would like to keep the name. Ironically I scout for college
athletes in hockey and 28 is my old college hockey number.

Thanks,

Dave Crest.


Nice try Dave, but your lame ass would never hack it in my imaginary sports agency.
'Hockey Scout' is code for middle aged landlord who still creeps on 16 year olds at high school sporting events. Step!